Vulnerability

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The following are real exchanges between husband and wife dealing with sex addiction while the husband is in jail as part of our Consequences of Sex Addiction Series. Sex Addiction is real and  we hope these letters inspire you to get help and/or make a change if you’re facing similar circumstances. Ever since I was a small boy I felt vulnerable. The first time I realized this was watching “The Wizard of Oz,” when the wicked witch appeared out of nowhere in a cloud of smoke, throwing fire balls down at Dorothy, the Scarecrow, the Tin Man and Toto too! I remember the famous line “I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!” It terrified me and made me feel vulnerable. I realized that there are forces in the world who are evil and want to hurt me. In many ways this shaped my life and who I became as a man. I put up walls around me to protect myself from all the evil, even to those I needed no protection from, but walls don’t differentiate. As I have grown I realized that indeed we are vulnerable to the world around us but more to the choices…

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Loneliness

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The following are real exchanges between husband and wife dealing with sex addiction while the husband is in jail as part of our Consequences of Sex Addiction Series. Sex Addiction is real and  we hope these letters inspire you to get help and/or make a change if you’re facing similar circumstances. One of the biggest emotional challenges I face is the issue of loneliness. While I am surrounded by people all of the time it would seem that I should never be lonely. In some ways that is true, but the reality of this emotional characteristic is that it creeps up on you and grabs you at particular times. Meaningful events, family gatherings, dinnertime, times that bring back fond memories. My loneliness stems from the fact that I miss the people in my life that mean the most to me and that being incarcerated keeps me from. It’s funny, I don’t miss my stuff (things I spent a lot of time and money accumulating). I miss the people! My wife, children, grandchildren, my mother, siblings, extended family and friends (and of course my dogs!). Those who filled my life with joy and sometimes aggravation. So, I spend my time doing…

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From the Inside Looking Out

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The following are real exchanges between husband and wife dealing with sex addiction while the husband is in jail as part of our Consequences of Sex Addiction Series. Sex Addiction is real and  we hope these letters inspire you to get help and/or make a change if you’re facing similar circumstances. My name is David and I am currently serving a five-year sentence in the Federal Bureau of Prisons. This blog is intended to share information and experiences, to help others avoid the same mistakes I’ve made and/or to help those preparing to serve time ordered by our justice system. So, let me first start with a message to those individuals who are preparing to serve their sentence. Most, if not all, inmates feel the justice system was unjust, unfair and heavy handed in sentencing them to prison time. The best advice I can give you is “GET OVER IT!” Holding onto anger and resentments will only keep you in a negative place and distract you from taking care of the things that are really important in your life. Let the lawyers deal with the legal stuff. Help them when they need it, otherwise get on with your life. So…

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Fear is Your Choice

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The following are real exchanges between husband and wife dealing with sex addiction while the husband is in jail as part of our Consequences of Sex Addiction Series. Sex Addiction is real and  we hope these letters inspire you to get help and/or make a change if you’re facing similar circumstances. Early in this entire experience I came face to face with real fear. Watching your whole life get swept out from under your feet is terrifying. I experienced fear on so many levels. Sitting in a jail cell for the first time, unable to communicate with anyone, the unknown. On another level, the fear my family experienced was palpable and wore heavily on me. As the legal process progressed each step brought more unknowns and more fear. As my fate became more clear some of the fear dissipated. What I began to realize is I had survived a lot and that my fears were really the fear of the unknown. I began to trust my ability to adapt to that unknown. As I prepared to begin serving my sentence, my wife and I were proactive in trying to minimize the unknowns, hence mitigating the fear for both of us….

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Everything I Need to Know (in Prison) I Learned in Kindergarten

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The following are real exchanges between husband and wife dealing with sex addiction while the husband is in jail as part of our Consequences of Sex Addiction Series. Sex Addiction is real and  we hope these letters inspire you to get help and/or make a change if you’re facing similar circumstances. “Everything I Need to Know (in Prison) I Learned in Kindergarten” Be kind to others — prison is a difficult place with lots of drama. Showing kindness will bring you kindness in return. Play nicely with others — you will be involved in lots of activities. Playing fair and being flexible will help you get along. Share your toys — you are going into a very different environment. New neighbors and roommates. Sharing when you can helps you fit in. Tell the truth — trust & honesty is big in prison. Getting caught lying creates a lot of problems for you. So when you speak, be truthful. Mind your manners — be respectful of others whether you like them or not. Use please, thank-you, excuse me, etc. often. Be patient — in prison, things don’t happen in your time, things happen on the prison’s timetable. Your family will also…

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Birthdays

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The following are real exchanges between husband and wife dealing with sex addiction while the husband is in jail as part of our Consequences of Sex Addiction Series. Sex Addiction is real and  we hope these letters inspire you to get help and/or make a change if you’re facing similar circumstances. Birthdays are a big deal in our family. My daughter just celebrated one of her “milestone” birthdays and I wasn’t there to celebrate it with hers [sic] and the rest of the family. I am feeling a whole host of emotions at the moment, including sadness, anger, frustration, envy, joy and gratitude. My joy and gratitude stems from the pride I feel for my daughter and the joy in being blessed with such a wonderful child who is growing up to be a fabulous person. My anger and resentments come from the fact that I am in prison when I should be with my family. It would be easy to stay angry and try to blame others for my situation, but I have no one to blame but myself. I let my addiction control my life and take me away from those things most important to me. I am…

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Vulnerabilis

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The following are real exchanges between husband and wife dealing with sex addiction while the husband is in jail as part of our Consequences of Sex Addiction Series. Sex Addiction is real and  we hope these letters inspire you to get help and/or make a change if you’re facing similar circumstances. Vulnerabilis which meant wounding, to pluck, to tear a long time ago before the year 1605. The Latin version became an English word meaning wounding. Today vulnerable means being able to be easily physically, emotionally, or mentally hurt, influenced or attacked. The simplicity of to wound or to pluck or to tear is my version of vulnerability. Over three years my safe, secure, and protected world became unsafe, defenseless, exposed, and unprotected. I became vulnerable the day my husband became imprisoned. When you are in a marital relationship for over three decades, you feel safe, strong, and secure in your community. The friends you have gathered and found, your co-workers you have worked beside, the neighbors you live next to, the favorite restaurants you have visited celebrating birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, sports victories, and just ordinary days, the places you love…these are viewed differently without my husband. My husband has…

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Double Sorrow

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The following are real exchanges between husband and wife dealing with sex addiction while the husband is in jail as part of our Consequences of Sex Addiction Series. Sex Addiction is real and  we hope these letters inspire you to get help and/or make a change if you’re facing similar circumstances.   “Shared joy is a double joy; Shared sorrow is half a sorrow.” — a Swedish Proverb You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you. — Frederick Buechner I have visited my husband in two states and in three different Federal Correctional Facilities over the course of two years. At first, the distance covered many lonely desert miles of solitude. The visit was petitioned [sic] off by a hook-up in another part of the prison to the the [sic] Visitation Front Lobby. I could hear my husband’s voice over the telephone connection and see him on a computer like screen the size of a shoebox. My visit would last exactly one hour…

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Fear

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The following are real exchanges between husband and wife dealing with sex addiction while the husband is in jail as part of our Consequences of Sex Addiction Series. Sex Addiction is real and  we hope these letters inspire you to get help and/or make a change if you’re facing similar circumstances. fear /fir/ An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat. Synonyms: terror, fright, horror, alarm, panic, agitation, trepidation, dread, consternation, dismay, distress. To be afraid of (someone or something) as likely to be dangerous, painful, or threatening. Synonyms: be afraid of (someone or something) as likely to be dangerous, be apprehensive of, dread, in fear of, be terrified of. When I was a little girl in the foothills of Georgia, I was fearless. Until the day I picked a basketful of wild blackberries in the woods and felt what I thought was a moving rock underneath one tiny foot. I knew fear that day when I looked down and saw a snake slithering away. To this day, snakes are one of my biggest fears. I was frightened knowing that snake bites can kill you. I was traumatized…

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Loneliness and Coming Home

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  The following are real exchanges between husband and wife dealing with sex addiction while the husband is in jail as part of our Consequences of Sex Addiction Series. Sex Addiction is real and  we hope these letters inspire you to get help and/or make a change if you’re facing similar circumstances. We are in the second year of my husband’s imprisonment. Each day served is marked off on my kitchen calendar. That physical marking off of each day is a positive reminder that we are one day closer to living together again. Coming home … Loneliness is my gray elephant in the room. Living alone, with the exception of my two furry companions that wake me each morning for food and attention, has been one of the hardest consequences to manage. Loneliness is not a constant occupying every minute of every day but sneaks up on me in the still of the night. Sleepfullness is pushed to the side for this overbearing pain of sadness. You try to keep busy with living during the lightness of day. The one constant in my day to day life has been the support and love of my three adult children. They bring…

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