The following are real exchanges between husband and wife dealing with sex addiction while the husband is in jail as part of our Consequences of Sex Addiction Series. Sex Addiction is real and we hope these letters inspire you to get help and/or make a change if you’re facing similar circumstances.
Early in this entire experience I came face to face with real fear. Watching your whole life get swept out from under your feet is terrifying. I experienced fear on so many levels. Sitting in a jail cell for the first time, unable to communicate with anyone, the unknown. On another level, the fear my family experienced was palpable and wore heavily on me. As the legal process progressed each step brought more unknowns and more fear.
As my fate became more clear some of the fear dissipated. What I began to realize is I had survived a lot and that my fears were really the fear of the unknown. I began to trust my ability to adapt to that unknown. As I prepared to begin serving my sentence, my wife and I were proactive in trying to minimize the unknowns, hence mitigating the fear for both of us. This simple act helped immensely.
When I entered prison I experienced new fears. One’s [sic] of personal safety, and fears for my family. When it came to personal safety and security I made many choices that lessened my fears. In doing so, I realized that “fear is a choice.” I began to make better choices, not allowing fear to enter and control me. This reality changed my experience in prison dramatically.
I also came to realize that it makes no sense to fear what is out of my control. It is what it is and I will deal with it when I have to. My fear for my family was something I had no control over. What I learned was to help them by doing what I could do. So I asked them what I could do to make the experience easier for them. We made a plan and I am trying my best to do my part. As a result both my families [sic] and my fear has been minimized. So my take home message is “fear is your choice.” I choose not to let it control me.